Treat him like a stranger

While I should be working, I’m instead browsing through Pinterest.

My mom and I are going to do a 5 day taco cleanse (yes you read that correctly) so I’ve been looking at recipes to make. More to come on that adventure later.

Anyway, while scrolling I came across a pin that peaked my interest even though it had nothing to do with tacos. It was a picture of a beautiful bride with a caption that read, “Do you treat your wife worse than a stranger?”

As someone who has been planning my wedding since the ripe age of 10, I’ve always been interested in marriage, so of course I had to click on this link.

It took me to a blog titled, “Confessions of a Terrible Husband”

Who is the last person you held a door for?

Who is the last person you thanked for doing exactly what you expected from them and nothing  more?  For doing exactly what they were supposed to do?

Like a real thank you.  Not just “thx” in a “txt msg.”

Sadly, both of my answers were “a stranger” for a long time.

As I read on this got me thinking about my own relationship. Being the girl in the relationship, I didn’t really ever do things like hold doors open for him like I do with strangers (though I could), but I realized that there are things that I do towards strangers that I don’t always do towards him. Mostly these things revolve around my beloved attitude.

Towards strangers, regardless of my mood, I’m always happy and positive. I will always flash a smile or give out “have a great day”s like they’re candy. I like to be the girl that someone walks away from and thinks, “wow, she was a nice”.

So how come that’s not always the case around my boyfriend? I tend to be moody around him. I notice myself frowning when I should be ecstatic to be with him, or sometimes I talk with the hidden mood that I get from my mother. The more I think about this the more I realize the underlying issue: comfort.

I’m comfortable around my boyfriend. He’s the one person in the world who very truthfully knows every single part of me and still loves me enough to stick around. I’m not ashamed of how I look around him and I don’t feel obligated to act a certain way when I’m with him, because I know it won’t change the way he feels about me. I am no longer in the phase of trying to impress him with my charm and wit, I know I’ve already done it.

While being in this phase of a relationship is amazing, this comfort comes with a price. Just last week my boyfriend and I had this exact conversation that sometimes we don’t seem to act like a couple. The “honeymoon” phase ended a long time ago for us, but does that mean we have to stop acting like it? We aren’t even married (yet) and this has already posed as a challenge.

I want to start treating my boyfriend like a stranger again. Though we’ve never really been strangers because we grew up together, I want to treat him as if he’s brand new to me and I’m desperate to keep him. I want to show him how much I love and appreciate him not in just the little things I can do for him, but mostly in the way I act around him. I know he didn’t fall in love with me because of my strikingly good looks. I know that he loves me because of my humor, the joy I find in life, my hardworking attitude, and my kindness. I know these things because he’s told me. Now, I want to prove it to him that I haven’t lost those things in the 3 years we’ve been together.

It’s time to start crushing on my boyfriend again. We still have a long life ahead of us together, and the most exciting thing about our relationship is that it’s still barely the beginning.

What are some ways you still treat your significant other like a stranger?

 

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Puppy Love

Next to pickles and the mountains, dogs are my favorite thing.

You know those stupid memes that you see on Facebook that show someone with sweet little tears in their eyes and the caption says something like, “me when I see any kind of dog”? Yeah, that’s me on a spiritual level.

There are two things in life that are almost guaranteed to make me emotional: children and dogs. And I’m not saying that to try to be funny, it’s the truth. Children make me emotional because of the little things they say without even knowing it. Dogs make me emotional because of the little things they do to make humans happy. I could go on a tangent just about those things, but I’ll save that for another day. This post is about the turn of emotions I’ve had this week about dogs. And trust me, it’s really stupid.

Since last Thursday I’ve had the responsibility of house/dog/cat sitting for my neighbors across the street. I’ve been living there for almost a week to mostly take care of the dogs, and I don’t go home until late Saturday when they come back.

This is the PERFECT opportunity for me. I get a house all to myself, two doggies to play with all the time (one of which is still pretty puppy), and they stocked the kitchen with everything that I love.

For the first few days, I was living. I was having such a great time being alone again and I loved when my boyfriend would come over and hang out with me. On Friday I caught a walleye at the lake and I cooked an amazing dinner for him and I on Saturday. Everything was going great.

Until Sunday.

Sunday evening the most exciting thing happened for my boyfriend. They got a puppy. Brand new, 6 weeks old, golden retriever. Literally the most adorable puppy I have ever seen in my life. They named him Dudley.

I was so excited when he called me telling me that they got a puppy. Without even thinking I made the decision to drive over there and see it. But then I remembered about the other dogs I was responsible for. I hadn’t been home all day on Sunday, so the dogs had been locked up that entire time except for the one time I let them outside before I went to the pool with a friend. I told myself that I was going to let them outside and give them a bone to distract them just for a little bit while I went to see the puppy. But as soon as I saw them, I couldn’t.

They were so excited to see me and they had ALL OF THE ENERGY that they would not settle down enough for me to interest them in a bone. How was I supposed to once again leave them? I called my boyfriend and said the puppy would have to wait.

This is when things turned bad for me (remember: for a stupid reason).

As soon as I hung up the phone with my boyfriend, it seemed like all of the jealousy in the entire world hit me like a freight train. Jealousy about what, though? Dude, I don’t even know.

Here’s the thing about me. I have what seems to be zero control over my emotions. One minute I am in a good mood and all smiles, and in a split second one thought comes to mind, or one little insignificant thing is said, and BAM! Pissed.

I thought I understood the reasoning behind my jealousy at the start of it, but now that I’m putting it into words, I don’t understand a damn thing.

I was jealous because my boyfriend was with a puppy and I wasn’t, first of all. The one thing that I love the most in this world was with the other thing that I love dearly (you can decide which is which, hehe), and I wasn’t there with them. That was the initial jealousness that hit me. But, because of who I am as a person, it didn’t stop there. Once one thing is on my mind, 50 other things follow and make me even more upset. Thoughts that I swear I pull right out of my ass that I use just to make things worse for me.

So, the jealousness about not being able to visit the puppy was followed by my dear friend that seems to pop up at any time for literally no reason: “find a reason to be mad at him [boyfriend]”.

Hi, I’m Mal, and I’m a terrible person.

Get a load of this. Now I’m mad because the puppy is going to get all of the attention now and not me.

Hi, I’m Mal, and I’m an idiot.

Of course because of this exciting new addition to his family, he wasn’t going to come over and hang out with me like I was hoping. And now when I hear from him it’s going to be a picture sent of the puppy and texts saying “guess what the puppy just did” and “isn’t he the cutest thing EVER”. No, I’m the cutest thing ever, talk about me.

Naturally, these emotions have stuck around as the week is going on. And even though I know with all of my soft, sensitive heart that they are stupid and I’m being ridiculous, I can’t seem to shake them. Before I go to sleep at night I pray that God helps me get ahold of my dumb emotions, and I’m sure he chuckles when he hears my pathetic prayer saying, “please help me not be jealous of the puppy”. Even I roll my eyes when I say it.

I hate these feeling that I have toward something so exciting. This should be such a fun time for everyone, including me. (Because I did go over and see the puppy yesterday and sweet Jesus that thing is cute).

My boyfriend even came over last night anyway when I knew deep down he would rather stay home with the pup. And he said such sweet things to me like he always does about how beautiful I am and how hard I work and that he loves me so much. But yet, as soon as he left I was back to the grump I am because he was going home to his new love.

I’m the type of girlfriend, I’ve come to learn in the past 3 and a half years of this relationship, that wants to be the center of attention. As much as I like to think that’s not true, it 100% is. So when something so cute and small and adorable comes along like this sweet puppy and takes the attention of my boyfriend, I guess I get upset. The underlying reasoning behind this mess is the fact that I want to be his only love. I don’t want another cute creature coming into the picture and stealing my thunder.

Just like the beginning stages of any relationship, I know the puppy love will wear off. The newness of the puppy will simmer down and normal life will take over again.

In the meantime I just wish I could learn to be happy and not so jealous over something as silly as a puppy.

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Here’s a picture of me holding the new precious, absolutely adorable Dudley while hiding the fact that I have something against him.

 

To the Career-Minded Girls like Me

 

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To the Career-Minded girls like me,

I know how hard it is when the realization hits you that adventure may not be in your blood after all.

I know how heartbreaking it may be when you come to the conclusion that there are more important things for you than taking trips to Mexico for spring break and “making memories” that you won’t even remember.

I know the feeling when you wake up Monday morning before the sun to get ready for your 40 hour workweek and think to yourself, “is this it?”, while you send the text to your friend telling them you can’t go to the movie tonight because you have to work.

I know.

But I also know the fire you have in your heart and the eagerness to get stuff done. I have that fire and eagerness, too.

I know the finish line that you have in your head that keeps you going to your multiple jobs everyday instead of to the lake with your friends to kick back with a beer. I have that finish line too.

I know the endless amount of work you’ve put into your multiple jobs since you were freshly 16-years-old, and haven’t stopped since. I’ve put in that work too.

I know the feeling of emptiness you feel when you look outside your office window at the summer sunshine knowing you won’t ever feel it today except for in the car on your drive to your second job. I feel that emptiness too.

I know.

But I will also know how you’regoing to feel a year from now when you have your diploma in hand and a job lined up right away.

I will know the feeling you will have when you wake up before the sun to get ready for the career you love and have the eagerness to get there and get started.

I too, will know the feeling of satisfaction when you get to drive your new car that you bought yourself and park it in the driveway of the house you own.

We will know.

And we will know thesefeelings because of the hard work we put in now, and didn’t put off until it was too late.

We will know because instead of “living while we’re young” we will get to live for the rest of our lives, exactly how we want it.

We will know the feeling of pride when we look back at our youth and not feel bad about the missed opportunities to adventure, but look back with a smile because now we can have an adventure whenever we want.

There will be no regrets at our hard work that we put in now.

We will succeed. We will conquer. We will go places.

Keep grinding, Career-Minded Girl. The best is yet to come.

 

 

 

Big Changes

This is the post excerpt.

I’ve started this blog as a personal project with 3 reasons in mind:

  1.  To use as a way to express my sarcasm in a healthy way that likely won’t offend others
  2. As a way to keep my writing fresh and my interest peaked
  3. To have something to add to my currently useless/nonexistent portfolio**

 

**Most important reason.

 

It will soon become clear that not only am I a girl with a plan, but I am also a girl who has that plan carefully written out in a well organized list.

I. Love. Lists.

I love the organization of lists, the clarity of them, and the satisfaction of crossing off completed tasks.

Every Monday I list out my week on my nerdy little whiteboard that I have sitting on my desk. I write down the homework I have to do, the classes I can’t miss, and the miscellaneous tasks that I need to get accomplished in the next seven days. I recently started doing this in college when I noticed that (*spoiler alert*) college is very busy and you can’t always remember everything you have to do by memory. Especially when you’ve somehow signed yourself up for 16 credit hours, Bible study, and being an officer on the Equestrian Team, all while trying to juggle a social life, drink enough water, work out, and still sleep for 8 hours a night.

Nothing gives me as much satisfaction as crossing off the last thing I needed to do on my list and having no responsibilities for a solid 20 minutes before something else comes up that must be done.

The thing about my beloved lists that I love so much is the fact that everything on them is planned. I know what I need to do, how I’m going to do it, and when it will be done. This is how my brain properly functions. There’s a catch, though.

*Spoiler alert*

Life doesn’t always work that way.

Before life decided to hit me square in the face with unplanned circumstances when I started college, I thought that life worked liked lists. Events happened in the correct chronological order, deadlines were always met, and rarely would unexpected things come up. I was wrong.

I have learned quickly – and harshly – that though my lists may be good reminders of things that I need to do, life doesn’t always follow them in the ideal order.

Sometimes Monday night practices go a lot longer than anticipated and now I have to stay up until the wee hours of the night to finish homework.

Sometimes the student that was supposed to meet me for their tutoring session never shows up and an hour of my precious time has now been wasted when I could’ve been doing a million other things to get ahead.

Other times you get a phone call from your boss for the summer saying that they’ve been fired and now you’re out of a job and internship that was going to allow you to graduate an entire year early.

Sometimes a change in plan is small and no big deal. Other times it’s huge and potentially life changing.

What do I do in almost all situations, though? Panic.

Anyone who knows me will agree in an instant that I love to worry. I like to think it’s my true favorite hobby. I worry about every little detail. If one thing is not perfect how is it going to affect me? Probably a lot and now I’m doomed forever.

Looking back at roughly the past three or so months, changes in plans have increased dramatically in my life. It started with registration for fall classes. Turns out I only need 36 more credits to graduate, and I’ve only been in school for two years. My advisor saw this and ran with it (maybe a little too quickly if you ask me) and within two minutes of sitting in his office I was hearing words like “graduation” and “spring” and “one more year”. This was a change in plan I wasn’t expecting.

To wrap things up before I start to ramble about my life story in one post, here’s what you can expect from me:

  1. A lot of panicking
  2. Big changes in school
  3. Big changes in jobs
  4. Potentially big changes in relationships
  5. More panicking

 

Stay tuned, this is about to get really interesting.