Next to pickles and the mountains, dogs are my favorite thing.
You know those stupid memes that you see on Facebook that show someone with sweet little tears in their eyes and the caption says something like, “me when I see any kind of dog”? Yeah, that’s me on a spiritual level.
There are two things in life that are almost guaranteed to make me emotional: children and dogs. And I’m not saying that to try to be funny, it’s the truth. Children make me emotional because of the little things they say without even knowing it. Dogs make me emotional because of the little things they do to make humans happy. I could go on a tangent just about those things, but I’ll save that for another day. This post is about the turn of emotions I’ve had this week about dogs. And trust me, it’s really stupid.
Since last Thursday I’ve had the responsibility of house/dog/cat sitting for my neighbors across the street. I’ve been living there for almost a week to mostly take care of the dogs, and I don’t go home until late Saturday when they come back.
This is the PERFECT opportunity for me. I get a house all to myself, two doggies to play with all the time (one of which is still pretty puppy), and they stocked the kitchen with everything that I love.
For the first few days, I was living. I was having such a great time being alone again and I loved when my boyfriend would come over and hang out with me. On Friday I caught a walleye at the lake and I cooked an amazing dinner for him and I on Saturday. Everything was going great.
Sunday evening the most exciting thing happened for my boyfriend. They got a puppy. Brand new, 6 weeks old, golden retriever. Literally the most adorable puppy I have ever seen in my life. They named him Dudley.
I was so excited when he called me telling me that they got a puppy. Without even thinking I made the decision to drive over there and see it. But then I remembered about the other dogs I was responsible for. I hadn’t been home all day on Sunday, so the dogs had been locked up that entire time except for the one time I let them outside before I went to the pool with a friend. I told myself that I was going to let them outside and give them a bone to distract them just for a little bit while I went to see the puppy. But as soon as I saw them, I couldn’t.
They were so excited to see me and they had ALL OF THE ENERGY that they would not settle down enough for me to interest them in a bone. How was I supposed to once again leave them? I called my boyfriend and said the puppy would have to wait.
This is when things turned bad for me (remember: for a stupid reason).
As soon as I hung up the phone with my boyfriend, it seemed like all of the jealousy in the entire world hit me like a freight train. Jealousy about what, though? Dude, I don’t even know.
Here’s the thing about me. I have what seems to be zero control over my emotions. One minute I am in a good mood and all smiles, and in a split second one thought comes to mind, or one little insignificant thing is said, and BAM! Pissed.
I thought I understood the reasoning behind my jealousy at the start of it, but now that I’m putting it into words, I don’t understand a damn thing.
I was jealous because my boyfriend was with a puppy and I wasn’t, first of all. The one thing that I love the most in this world was with the other thing that I love dearly (you can decide which is which, hehe), and I wasn’t there with them. That was the initial jealousness that hit me. But, because of who I am as a person, it didn’t stop there. Once one thing is on my mind, 50 other things follow and make me even more upset. Thoughts that I swear I pull right out of my ass that I use just to make things worse for me.
So, the jealousness about not being able to visit the puppy was followed by my dear friend that seems to pop up at any time for literally no reason: “find a reason to be mad at him [boyfriend]”.
Hi, I’m Mal, and I’m a terrible person.
Get a load of this. Now I’m mad because the puppy is going to get all of the attention now and not me.
Hi, I’m Mal, and I’m an idiot.
Of course because of this exciting new addition to his family, he wasn’t going to come over and hang out with me like I was hoping. And now when I hear from him it’s going to be a picture sent of the puppy and texts saying “guess what the puppy just did” and “isn’t he the cutest thing EVER”. No, I’m the cutest thing ever, talk about me.
Naturally, these emotions have stuck around as the week is going on. And even though I know with all of my soft, sensitive heart that they are stupid and I’m being ridiculous, I can’t seem to shake them. Before I go to sleep at night I pray that God helps me get ahold of my dumb emotions, and I’m sure he chuckles when he hears my pathetic prayer saying, “please help me not be jealous of the puppy”. Even I roll my eyes when I say it.
I hate these feeling that I have toward something so exciting. This should be such a fun time for everyone, including me. (Because I did go over and see the puppy yesterday and sweet Jesus that thing is cute).
My boyfriend even came over last night anyway when I knew deep down he would rather stay home with the pup. And he said such sweet things to me like he always does about how beautiful I am and how hard I work and that he loves me so much. But yet, as soon as he left I was back to the grump I am because he was going home to his new love.
I’m the type of girlfriend, I’ve come to learn in the past 3 and a half years of this relationship, that wants to be the center of attention. As much as I like to think that’s not true, it 100% is. So when something so cute and small and adorable comes along like this sweet puppy and takes the attention of my boyfriend, I guess I get upset. The underlying reasoning behind this mess is the fact that I want to be his only love. I don’t want another cute creature coming into the picture and stealing my thunder.
Just like the beginning stages of any relationship, I know the puppy love will wear off. The newness of the puppy will simmer down and normal life will take over again.
In the meantime I just wish I could learn to be happy and not so jealous over something as silly as a puppy.
Here’s a picture of me holding the new precious, absolutely adorable Dudley while hiding the fact that I have something against him.